The 'You Thought I Forgot About This Month's Cheesecake, didn't you?' Cheesecake, or, Perfect Crustless Cheesecake

I didn't forget. In fact, I so totally didn't forget that I've been putting this recipe off for a week because I just couldn't handle one more cheesecake. Then I started making it, separated 5 eggs, and suddenly had flashbacks. It was at that moment that I realised this cheesecake has the exact same ingredients in the exact same quantity as the first cheesecake I made in this unending saga. I panicked, tried to find a different recipe that would take 5 eggs, and couldn't.

So I proceeded, and boy, am I glad I did. I don't know if it's the fact that this cheesecake is any better than the first one I made, or just that I've gotten better at making cheesecakes, but this one is hands-down the best one I've made so far... though I have been on an upward trajectory for awhile, so I guess that's to be expected. Weirdly, this one is just typed up on a silky sheet of paper Judson informed me was mimeographed, and then tried to smell it to convince me that mimeography has a specific smell. I don't know if that's true, but here's what we did learn from his hands-on test: the smell of nicotine persists across generational divides. Ick.

Judson's friends, who have become my Official Cheesecake Taste-Testers, voted this one the best so far (and voted hard for it to be the only I transferred into my own permanent recipe box), so I know I'm not alone here. Also, I've been saving the best for last, but you guys, THIS CHEESECAKE CAME OUT OF THE OVEN WITHOUT A SINGLE CRACK! Those of you following along at home (and those of you who have ever tried making a cheesecake) will know that it's nearly impossible to get a cheesecake out of the oven with a smooth, crack-free top. My last one had cracks that ran so deep they hit the bottom crust, which is really just unreasonable, so I was particularly proud of this one.

Having now made basically this exact same cheesecake two times, I'll warn you to follow these directions exactly-- it really makes a difference! Specifically, make sure your ingredients are at room temperature, your egg whites are folded into the mixture until the entire mixture has a uniform consistency (for me, this was WAY MORE mixing than I thought was necessary, but it paid off in the end), and that there is a tray under your springform pan in the oven, lest you suffer a scorched oven floor.

But seriously. There's just something about enjoying a slice of cheesecake with your friends. The Golden Girls knew it, Eleanor knew it, and now I know it. It's so decadent and luxurious, but somehow still manages to be improved by the addition of girlfriends to share it with. I may be getting tired of cheesecakes, but I'll never get tired of sharing them with my friends. So if you, like the Golden Girls in the clip above, have watched Psycho or Jaws or It or The Ring and have scared yourself into staying awake all night, slice yourself a piece of cheesecake and put the kettle on for some tea. There's enough room at my kitchen table for all of us.

The verdict:

4 spoons out of five. Best cheesecake I've made so far, but I've got my eye on the prize here. Make this cheesecake for your next girls' night in, and your friends will never let you forget how delicious it is.

The recipe:

Perfect, Crustless Cheesecake

THE DIRECTIONS:

Start with first four ingredients at room temperature.
Grease springform pan.
Preheat oven to 176C/350F.
Whip egg whites until stiff, then set aside.
Mix cream cheese, sour cream, and ricotta until well blended.
Add sugar, cornstarch, and vanilla and mix until smooth.
Add egg yolks and mix until smooth again.
Fold beaten egg whites into mixture and beat just until smooth.
Pour mixture into pan, set it on a cookie sheet in case of drips, and cook for one hour.
Without opening oven door, shut off oven and leave for one additional hour.

the ingredients:

5 medium eggs, separated
16 oz cream cheese
16 oz sour cream
15 oz ricotta
1 ½ c sugar
4 tbsp cornstarch
2 tsp vanilla

 

Oatmeal Toffee Lace Cookies

It hasn't been so many weeks since I told you that I found the perfect oatmeal cookie. So when I found another recipe for oatmeal cookies in the box, I was hesitant to make them right now-- how could I improve upon perfection?

Well, the only thing I can figure is that these cookies taste nothing like oatmeal. They don't even have an oatmeal texture, and if they weren't such a royal pain to make, I would be sending each of you, dear readers, a tin full of them today. These cookies are basically just toffee-- there's just a tiny dusting of flour in the entire recipe, and the oatmeal is in there at a 1:1 ratio with the brown sugar, so as soon as they get warm, these basically become an oatmeal-studded caramel that expands all over the cookie sheet in the thinnest lattice, turning golden and toasty as it bubbles.

But, alas. In the words of Smitten Kitchen, I have to put a yellow light on these cookies. Had I tried to make them before starting this project, I would have failed miserably. I say this with some certainty, because three Thanksgivings ago, I tried to make these cookies, which failed miserably because I a) didn't follow the directions, b) didn't have the right equipment, and c) (I would argue) the recipe makes them sound infinitely easier than they are and doesn't mention any of the weird conundrums that I faced.

I feel pretty confident that Eleanor had no trouble with this recipe, though, because I think if she had, there would be amendment notes on it detailing the things she changed... and I know she must have made these, because damn, they're delicious.

However. I literally spent the whole time these were in the oven sitting in a chair in front of the oven watching them cook. The recipe itself even says that 'Mrs. Brown's advice is to never leave the stoce [sic], even if it means missing a phone call.' I don't know who Mrs. Brown is, but I agree with her. Shut off your phone, these cookies require full concentration.

The cookies on the right were removed from the cookie sheet when they were still too hot, which is why they are stupid looking.

But are they worth it? HECK YES. The first tray I made shattered upon being removed from the cookie sheet, but I swept the crumbs into an airtight container and we had them over ice cream the next night, and, if possible, they were even better than on the first day! The second and third trays came off in one piece, but in weird shapes because they go from WAY TOO SOFT OMG THIS COOKIE IS MELTING AND BURNING MY HAND to THIS COOKIE IS MADE OF CEMENT AND WILL NEVER COME OFF OF THE COOKIE SHEET in a window of less than a minute, so you have to work quickly, like a bomb defuser, or a brain surgeon. The good news is that once you've made them they actually stay crunchy for up to three days in an airtight container, provided you don't pack them up until they are really, really cool.

Some tips:

• Make sure your cookie sheet is flat, as this batter will turn to liquid as soon as you place it in the oven, and if the cookie sheet is on an angle, the batter will run. This would seem obvious, but you'd be shocked at the angle at which I usually have to use my cookie sheets because I have the world's tiniest/most Scottish oven.

• Keep a close eye on these at the end of their time in the oven and don't be afraid to leave them in for another minute or two. The middle should be soft, but not sticky or wet, and the rim should be just a shade more brown than the golden middle.

• Upon getting them out of the oven, give them 30-60 seconds to cool without touching them-- then slide your thinnest spatula under one and lift it as quickly as you can. If you haven't let it cool enough, your cookie will squish into a weird oval as a result of the spatula pressing on it. If you have let the cookies cool too much, you won't be able to get your spatula more than a ½ inch under the cookie and you're going to have to chisel the whole thing off in tiny crumbs. The good news is that if you do either of those things, the cookies are still going to taste fantastic, even if they look a little worse for wear.

• The recipe below is the original cut in half, because I was afraid 2 cups each of sugar and oatmeal was going to make a huge batch. Out of the quantity below, I got about 20 cookies, but then only about 15 came off the cookie sheet in a reasonable fashion, so the other 5 turned to crumbs. Plan accordingly.

The verdict:

It's hard not to give these toffee bites 5 spoons because they are just that good. But they are a huge pain to cook and get off of the cookie sheet (though the actual batter is a piece of cake-- pun not intended). If you're feeling ambitious, make these. I give them 5 spoons out of five for flavour, 2 spoons out of five for difficulty level.

This is definitely the weirdest selfie I've ever taken.

The recipe:

Oatmeal Toffee Lace Cookies

THE DIRECTIONS:

Preheat oven to 190C/375F.
In a large bowl, stir together oats, flour, salt, and sugar.
Melt the butter and stir it into the mixture.
Add the beaten egg and the vanilla and stir together.
Place tablespoon-sized dollops of batter far apart on a cookie sheet (no more than 5 per normal-sized cookie sheet).
Bake for 7 minutes, watching carefully, probably from in front of the oven.
Wait 30-60 seconds before removing them from the cookie sheet, but absolutely no more or cookies will not come off the cookie sheet.
Allow to cool completely on a wire rack before storing in a very airtight container for up to three days.

the ingredients:

¼ lb butter
1 1/8 c porridge or rolled oats
1 1/8 c light brown sugar
1 ½ tbsp flour
½ tsp salt
½ egg, beaten slightly (I know, this is a huge pain if you don't have a scale. If you have a scale, use it for this. If you don't, use a small egg or just eyeball it. Nobody's gonna tell.)
½ tsp vanilla

 

Chocolate Diva Cake with Brown Sugar Frosting, or, an Ode to the Moms

When I was a toddler, our house was broken into in the middle of the night, while my mom was home alone with my brother and me. (My dad was doing his residency at the time, and was on call at the hospital a few miles away). The only phone we had (it was the 80s) was on the other side of the house, and my mom, who was awoken by the sound of the burglar cutting through the screen of our back porch, had to make the decision of whether to stay with my infant brother and me, whose room was basically next to the porch, or to cross the entire house and call the police from the kitchen, which also overlooked the porch.

She chose, wisely but I'm sure with great difficulty, to sneak across the entire house, crouch behind the kitchen table, and call the police from the corded phone on the wall. At some point after cutting through the screen and getting onto the porch, the burglar got scared and ran off, and, as far as I know, was never caught.

I woke up to the sound of police in our living room, interviewing my mom while sitting at my dad's desk. I remember everything about that night-- how I immediately knew which police office was the boss, and how he had short grey hair and was so nice to me. I remember how when I asked what was wrong and why they were in our house in the middle of the night, before my mom had a chance to answer, he cut her off with 'there was just a turkey who scared your mom, so she did the right thing and called us to take care of it.' And I remember looking over at my mom and thinking she was silly for being so scared of a dumb bird that she called the police.

Years later when I asked her about that night, the only thing she said was 'I was always so grateful to them for not cursing in front of you.'

THAT is the only thing she took away from that night (well, that and the fact that she has never since lived in a house without a phone in the master bedroom). I often go years without thinking about this story, because my brother slept through the whole thing, my dad wasn't even home, and my mom never talks about it. But every time I remember it, I'm literally boggled at how totally fierce my mom is.

Seriously, she's the bravest person I've ever met, in big situations and small ones, and I've met a lot of people.* If everyone had a mom like mine, the world would surely be a better place, and while it would be a disservice to my mom to credit all of her awesome to Eleanor, I think it couldn't have hurt to be raised by a woman who embodied bravery in the way Eleanor did. My mom got all of Eleanor's good qualities and none of her bad ones... except for a complete inability to pronounce the word 'syrup' without making it sound like 'seer-up.' Maybe the same thing will happen to me someday.

So here's a cake for you to make this weekend. Make it for your mom, if she's lives nearby, and thank her for all the times she's been brave for you and fought on your behalf, all the times you don't even know about because she was too busy getting things done to stop and tell you about what a badass she is. If your mom, like mine, is on the other side of the world, then have a piece of cake for breakfast, call her this week and tell her how awesome she is. Chances are, she deserves to hear it. And if your mom is not around, then please accept the virtual hug I'm sending your way, and know that you are loved.

*Incidentally, she's also the single person most capable of embarrassing me, like the time she burst into tears upon meeting my college RA for the first time, or the time she offered to do my best friend's laundry when she came to visit me as a freshman at college, promising that she 'wouldn't even look at the undies!' Oh, mom. I love you.

the verdict:

This cake is astoundingly delicious, and it somehow gets even better as it ages... kind of like most moms. It's called Diva Cake, but it's actually simple to make and the results are fab (the frosting is a little more of a pain to put together, but the results are still worth it. If you don't believe me, then just use your favourite chocolate or cream cheese frosting in place of the below). Plus, it combines two of my favourite things: chocolate and brown sugar. The recipe boasts that it is 'tender, rich, and buttery,' and if that's not the most mom-like description I've ever heard, then I don't know what.

The recipe:

Diva Cake with Brown Sugar Frosting

THE DIRECTIONS:
CAKE:

Preheat oven to 176C/350F.
Line the bottom of two 9-inch round pans with parchment.
Beat egg whites until stiff, then scrape them out of your mixing bowl into a separate container and refrigerate until needed.
Wipe out mixing bowl, then cream together butter, sugar, and vanilla.
Blend in chocolate, then add the beaten egg yolks and mix well.
Sift together flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt, then add to wet mixture with sour cream.
Beat until smooth, then add coffee.
Fold in egg whites gently.
Pour into prepared pans and bake about 25 minutes until fork inserted in centre comes out clean.
Allow to cool completely before frosting.

FROSTING:

Put all ingredients except vanilla into a pot over very low heat (use a double boiler if you have one).
Stir constantly, then turn up heat slightly and beat with a whisk.
After mixture has thickened, pour into a mixing bowl and beat until mixture will hold a peak.
tir in vanilla, then frost cake.

the ingredients:
the cake:

2 egg whites (yolks reserved)
1 c butter, softened
1 ½ c sugar
1 tsp vanilla
2 oz unsweetened chocolate, melted and cooled
5 egg yolks, beaten well (save your extra whites for the frosting)
1 ½ c sifted cake flour
1 tsp baking powder
¼ tsp baking soda
½ tsp salt
½ c sour cream
2 tbsp strong coffee

the frosting:

1 c sugar
½ c brown sugar
3 tbsp dark corn syrup (if you're in the UK, you can fudge this by using 2 ½ tbsp golden syrup and the tiniest little drop of treacle. DO NOT go overboard on the treacle, or your frosting will be molasses-flavoured, which takes away from the delicacy of this cake)
¼ c water
2 egg whites
¼ tsp salt
¼ tsp cream of tartar (optional, as I forgot this and my frosting was fine)
1 tsp vanilla extract