Coconut Cream Pie

When I was in college, I had a friend who got married and got a subscription to Gourmet magazine (because, seriously, who but newlyweds thinks THAT'S a good idea?). She decided to make a recipe from it with her husband, and they spent all day mocking how the directions said 'puree the raspberries in the food processor for 4 seconds.' Not 5 seconds, not 'until smooth,' just 'four seconds.'

She and her husband mocked the recipe for weeks until they got around to making it, and then, just for giggles, they decided to follow the recipe to the letter, blending the raspberries for only four seconds. What happened? They got out their stopwatches, timed it, and at exactly four seconds, the raspberries went from lumpy to smooth, just like that.

I'm pretty sure she eventually preached a sermon using this as an illustration of how we should obey God even when we don't know why. Anyway, I've always remembered this story because I've always dreamed that someday I would be making a recipe and the same thing would happen to me: a really specific instruction would be given, and I would follow it, and the exact perfect result would occur.

Up until today, that had not happened, but then I made this coconut cream pie. ('Are you gonna throw it in my face?' Judson quipped hilariously). During the step where I made the custard, heating it over extremely low heat in what was supposed to be a double-boiler, the following happened:

I mixed the ingredients together. I heated them over low, stirring constantly, waiting for the mixture to thicken. I timed it, because I can never tell when custard thickens, and I was concerned I would miss it.

(I should not have been concerned.) The directions read as follows: 'Pour into double-boiler and cook over boiling water, stirring constantly until [mixture] thickens (5 min.), then cook 5 minutes more, stirring occasionally.

(Uncooked)

(Uncooked)

After 4:45 of stirring, my arm was tired and the mixture was still watery and thin. At 4:55, still watery and thin. At 5:00 on the dot, my arm suddenly slowed down in the mixture as it went from the texture of water to the texture of thick honey, immediately! Needless to say, throughout the rest of the recipe, I followed the directions to the letter, not wanting to cheat myself out of the product of a recipe that specific.

I was a little concerned when I started this recipe because it specifically calls for 'moist shredded coconut,' and, objections to the word 'moist' aside, I can't find anything but minced, desiccated coconut in Scotland which I was concerned would not fill out the pie nicely. (So concerned was I that I soaked my coconut for half an hour in dark rum before using it. TOTALLY worth it.) The pie came out just fine with the confetti-like bits of dry coconut instead of the larger, moister pieces I'm used to in the US, and either way you make it I would recommend adding some rum to the coconut first. It gives it a nice depth of flavour that I think complements the coconut wonderfully... and if you really go overboard with the run you could always make yourself a daiquiri with the remainder. It's like a classier version of Malibu!

The verdict:

5 spoons out of five. Have you ever had a coconut cream pie? I hadn't, but they're awesome. And this one is so eerily foolproof, you should really give it a shot.

The recipe:

Coconut Cream Pie

the directions:

Preheat oven to 220C/425F.
Scald the milk by heating it slowly, just until small bubbles form around the rim of the pot.
In a large bowl, mix sugar, cornstarch, and salt.
Add milk very slowly, stirring constantly.
Beat egg yolks lightly and stir into milk mixture slowly, beating until smooth.
Pour back into the pot you heated the milk in, then turn heat on very low.
Cook for 5 minutes, stirring constantly until mixture thickens, then cook 5 minutes more, stirring occasionally.
Remove from heat.
Stir in vanilla and ½ c coconut.
Allow to cool slightly, then pour into pastry shell.
Whip egg whites until soft peaks form.
Add sugar, 1 tbsp at a time, whipping well after each addition.
Spoon meringue over coconut custard, spreading to the edges of the crust.
Bake in hot oven 3-5 minutes until almost done (but not quite).
Remove from oven and sprinkle remaining coconut over meringue, then return to oven for 1 more minute.
Remove from oven, chill for at least 2 hours, and enjoy!

Yields 8 generous slices.

the ingredients:

2 ½ c milk
½ c sugar (for filling)
3 ½ tbsp cornstarch
½ tsp salt
3 eggs, separated
1 tsp vanilla
1 c shredded coconut (optional: sprinkle with 2 tablespoons dark rum)
1 baked & cooled 9” pastry shell (I used this recipe)
6 tbsp sugar (for meringue)

Sky-High Biscuits and Strawberry Nut Shortcakes

I've never made biscuits successfully. The ones I used for this strawberry shortcake recipe in the spring were pretty great, but, technically, they were shortcakes, not biscuits. I don't know if I can legitimately say that I have now made biscuits successfully, because although these were really good, any experienced biscuit-maker would tell you that they aren't, technically, biscuits. Strictly speaking, according to my Southern grandmother (not Eleanor) and also every Southern cook I've ever met, a biscuit has only four ingredients (flour, baking powder, butter, and milk, I think). This particular recipe has way more than that, including two types of flour, egg, sugar, and cream of tartar, which, I'm happy to report, is completely optional, as I couldn't find any (though Judson did try to purchase a bottle of tartar sauce when I asked him to check at the grocery store near his office).

The biscuit recipe is in pristine condition and dated 1983, so I think it's a safe bet Eleanor never made these. Scornful of all things Southern, I was surprised to find this recipe in the box at all-- maybe the whole wheat flour convinced her they would be worth making, or maybe she, like me, just needed a vehicle for her strawberry shortcakes.

Anyway, I've been wanting to make this recipe for strawberry nut shortcake before the summer ended, but I kept finding excuses-- until I found the most perfect and beautiful wee little 'woodland strawberries' at the fruit stand last weekend. They were so round and perfect they looked like wild strawberries, and I knew they'd be perfect for this recipe. But since the shortcake recipe calls for 'biscuit mix,' which doesn't exist over here in the land where biscuits are cookies, I had no choice but to make mine from scratch. Luckily, the box came to my rescue on that front as well. Incidentally, the only other key ingredient for this recipe that I couldn't find was 'whipped topping,' which is ironic because the recipe comes on the back of the lid to a container of Dover Farms Whipped Dairy Topping. Definitely not complaining, though, as homemade whipped cream beats out the stuff in the tub any day of the week, so I ended up with a completely from-scratch dessert that was surprisingly easy to put together. Plus, in Scotland there's a dessert called cranachan that's basically just crumbled cookies, mashed raspberries, and whisky-infused whipped cream... which gave me the idea of adding just a dash of whisky to the whipped cream in this recipe. We did not regret that decision. If you're not a whisky drinker but you have some bourbon on hand, put a capful in your whipped cream-- it will change your life.

If you're dying for one last summertime dessert before the autumn sets in and you live in a place where you can still get decent strawberries, make this. You won't regret it. Bonus points if you make the biscuits from scratch-- plus, you'll have leftover biscuits that go GREAT with clotted cream and jam.

Seriously, though-- these two recipes are super easy. The biscuits come together in no time, and keep for three days at room temperature. The actual strawberry shortcakes are super simple-- sliced strawberries, a dash of sugar, and a cloud of whipped cream and you're good to go. But if you're in a real hurry, you could even skip the biscuits and just have strawberries and cream. No one would mind, I promise.

The verdict:

5 spoons out of five. These strawberry shortcakes are delicious, and somehow so much more than the sum of their (amazing) parts. Make these quick and enjoy the Indian Summer we seem to all be experiencing.

The recipe:

Sky-High Biscuits

the directions:

Preheat oven to 232C/450F.
Combine flours, baking powder, sugar, and salt.
Cut in butter until mixture resembles coarse cornmeal.
Work quickly to avoid mixture getting soft.
Add egg and milk, stirring quickly just until mixture comes together.
Flour your countertop and knead very gently and quickly.
Pat gently to 1” thickness.
Cut into 1-2” biscuits and place on a cookie sheet about 1” apart.
Bake 12-15 minutes until crisp and golden.

Yields 10 biscuits

the ingredients:

1 c flour
½ c whole wheat flour
2 ¼ tsp baking powder
1 tbsp sugar
¼ tsp salt
3 oz butter
½ egg, beaten
½ c milk

 

the recipe:

Strawberry Nut Shortcake

the directions:

Sprinkle strawberries with sugar and set aside.
Whip cream with vanilla and brown sugar until fluffy.
Split each biscuit, and scoop strawberries on top of the bottom half of the biscuit.
Add whipped cream sprinkle of nuts, and the top of the biscuit.
Serve immediately and enjoy immensely.

Yields 4 strawberry shortcakes

the ingredients:

2 c strawberries, sliced
2 tbsp sugar, or less if your strawberries are particularly sweet
1 c whipping cream
1 tsp vanilla
1 tbsp brown sugar
4 biscuits (recipe above)
½ c pecans

'Lucky Cheesecake Number 7,' or, Thick-Crust, Airy Cheesecake

So here's the thing about all these cheesecakes: I can't get graham crackers in this country, so every single one that I've made so far has been... well, ersatz. I can't decide whether I like digestive biscuits or rich tea biscuits better as a substitute for graham crackers in these recipes, and either way, since most recipes list graham cracker crumb quantities in terms of the number of crackers from which the crumbs came ('24 graham crackers, crumbled'), it makes it difficult to even determine the quantities I should be using. This time around, I used digestive biscuits and used 15 of them instead of the recommended 30 graham crackers, and the crust was the best one I've ever made, and far thicker than any I've previously created. This could be because I was using digestives, which are super thick, or because the pan I used (from Ikea, measuring 6.75x10.5 inches) was too small for what the recipe actually wanted (all it says is 'low rectangular baking dish'), but either way, it was awesome and I recommend it. Chances are you don't have a pan with those weird measurements, but it's roughly the same as using an 8x8inch square pan, so just go with that, and use way more cookies than what seems logical, and you'll have the same delicious cookie crust as me.

Eleanor is the one on the left.

Eleanor is the one on the left.

but I did discover something new about making an (admittedly ersatz) graham crust this time around: cookie crusts work so much better if you make them in a food processor. Previously, I had been grinding the biscuits in the food processor, then pouring melted butter over them and dumping them in the pie pan, hoping for the best. The problem with that method (although it was the method prescribed in most of the cheesecake recipes and also these bar cookie recipes) is that the crumbs stay very dry-- and though they come together later in the oven, spreading them evenly across the bottom and up the sides of a pan is incredibly difficult.

This recipe, though, has slightly more nebulous wording, which led me to, rightly or wrongly, add the melted butter into the food processor with the crumbs. (Alright, alright: it might also have been laziness. I had already had a negroni and it was at least 10pm on a school night when I decided to start this project, so I was trying to speed things along.) Anyway, watching it come together in the food processor was awesome, and I knew immediately I had stumbled across something great. Once it's done being mixed together, it forms sort of a paste that's completely evenly mixed, and thus super easy to press into a pie dish and up the sides of the pan. Best of all, it still comes out flaky, buttery, crumbly, and delicious after it's baked. Definitely try it next time you need a graham crust.

As always, this is a cheesecake best eaten with your friends. So make it for a party, or when there's a crisis afoot, or really anytime you're going to be hanging out with your besties. A little less impressive than a traditional springform cheesecake, it's still delicious and the stiffly-beaten egg whites give it a light, almost meringue-y texture that makes it better than the cream-cheese laden bricks that cheesecakes frequently turn into.

Note: the back of this recipe has a note scrawled in perfect penciled penmanship that reads 'wash roof Tri Sodium.' I think it's a code. Judson disagrees.

The verdict:

4 spoons out of five. Not easy enough to beat out the cheesecake that still holds my number one spot, but still tasty and with the best crust I've made in awhile.

The recipe:

Thick-Crust, Airy Cheesecake

the directions:

Preheat oven to 180C/350F.
Grind the crackers to a fine powder in the food processor or blender.
Add melted butter and continue to blend until a thick, dry paste forms.
Pour crust into dish and press against bottom and sides until of uniform thickness.
Separate eggs and whip the whites until very stiff.
Set whites aside.
Mix cottage cheese in mixer until curds are broken up.
Add salt, lemon juice, sugar, and milk.
Beat until mixture is the consistency of thick cream.
Beat reserved egg yolks slightly with a fork, then add to cheese mixture with vanilla and mix to combine.
Pour beaten whites into cheese mixture and fold together gently with a spatula or the mixer on low.
(Mixture should be close to uniform consistency, with no large lumps of egg white).
Pour into crust, sprinkle additional crumbs on top, and bake one hour or until set and golden brown.
After cake is done baking, cool slowly in open oven or on countertop to avoid falling.
Once cool, place in refrigerator to thoroughly chill.

the ingredients:

15 digestive biscuits or 12-ish graham crackers (the whole rectangular ones) plus 1 additional biscuit, ground fine, for sprinkling on top
4 oz butter, melted
3 eggs, separated
2 c cottage cheese
pinch of salt
1 tsp lemon juice
¾ c sugar
½ c milk
1 tsp vanilla