My Favourite Things Cake, or, The Day I Became A Grown-Up

I'm out of the city, or possibly out of the country, celebrating my birthday right now, but don't worry, I couldn't leave you hanging while I party!* Since this is my 30th birthday, I thought this was a perfect time to reflect upon some past birthdays and my favourite experiences so far. I may not be great at frosting cakes yet, but I have learned a little something about how to celebrate over the past three decades, so here are some of my favourite birthday memories.

1985:

The newspaper from the day I was born, which my parents saved and which I recently found, featured a headline of 'Cellular Phone Are Risky Deals.' So I guess some things never change.

1990:

I got two cakes and an American Girl doll for my fifth birthday (one of which had an angel on it) and I thought I was QUEEN B.

1998:

I was SO EXCITED to turn 13. My mom made me a surprise cake (my favourite kind: chocolate cake with white frosting!) with '13' spelled out in Skittles, and decorated my room with Backstreet Boys and Ben Affleck posters while I was at school, because no one has ever known me as well as she does.

2000:

The year I turned 15, my dad gave me a vintage perfume locket that he bought in Italy. I thought it was the most amazing necklace I had ever seen-- the back of it comes off to reveal a cavity where solid perfume could be hidden to make the wearer smell good, and I loved it. I celebrated my birthday two days early by going to a Lifehouse/The Calling concert with my best friend, where I (of course) wore the necklace. (The mere fact that my mom let me go to the concert should have been enough to make this birthday the best yet, but it got worse... then better.) I lost the back of the necklace halfway through the show, and emerged brokenhearted. My mom, without telling me, went back to the nightclub where the concert was held on the day between the show and my birthday and conned her way inside in the middle of the day to search the entire venue for the back of my necklace. The girl manning the front door followed her around the entire time, telling her that she wouldn't find anything because the venue had already been cleaned since the show, but my mom found two wallets, a watch, and a class ring before she finally found the back of my necklace... on the steps leading out of the venue. My card that year from her read simply: 'Never give up,' and had my necklace back folded into it.

2001:

The year I turned 16, my grandmother (not Eleanor) gave me a framed print that read 'the only substitute for experience is being 16.' To this day, one of the most incongruous gifts I've ever received.

2005:

In the weeks leading up to my 20th birthday, I kept getting anonymous email messages from someone named El Jefe. Always tinged with Spanish, I couldn't figure out who the person was, until the night of my birthday, when, at the surprise party planned by my roommate, I was asked to go outside halfway through the night. There, waiting for me in the parking lot of the local Mexican restaurant, was a refrigerator-sized box, wrapped up with a bow. As I began to unwrap it, a swarthy gentleman jumped out, serenading me in Spanish in front of all of my friends.

Me and El jefe. I have no pictures of him inside the refrigerator box, alas.

2010:

For my last milestone birthday that's actually a good milestone, I planned the theme party I had always wanted: Candy Land. I was Princess Lolly, Judson was Mr. Mint, and together we turned the schoolhouse apartment I was living in into a candy-themed wonderland. Over 100 people were in and out of the party that night, and I found pieces of costumes and weird props in my apartment for weeks afterward. To this day, it's my favourite Halloween costume that I've ever had.

I spent a looooong time and a lot of phone calls with my grandmother sewing that dress.

2015:

But turning 30 is a big deal, just like turning 20 was a big deal, and so I think it's appropriate that I started each decade with a mixtape made for me by someone who knew me better than anyone else. The year I turned 20, a wonderful friend interviewed my friends and made me a mixtape of songs that made my friends think of me. This year, Judson gifted me a playlist of 30 songs-- one from each year of my life-- that I have loved, listened to, and sang along with over the years. I may be a few years older and maybe my life has taken a few paths I didn't foresee, but it's nice to see that, ten years on, some things never change.

If you need me, I'll be celebrating my 30th the same way I celebrated my 20th: with my best friend, remembering the good times past and looking forward to those yet to come.

And, since I have a food blog, I had to make a cake to celebrate. So here's a cake comprised of all of my favourite things: chocolate cake, cream cheese icing, and a filling made of coconuts and pecans. If we could find a way to incorporate red wine into this cake, it would include literally all of my favourite edibles.

*Judson planned this week-long princess celebration for me, so, by the time you read this, I'll know where I am celebrating, but right now it remains a mystery!

The verdict:

5 spoons out of five. This cake won't turn you 30, but it might make you wish you were here to celebrate mine.

NO ONE ever said i was good at frosting cakes, least of all me.

The recipe:

Thirtieth-Birthday Chocolate Cake, or, Sweet-Chocolate Cake

the directions:
cake:

Preheat oven to 176C/350F and line 3 layer pans with parchment paper on the bottom.
Beat egg whites until stiff, then set aside.
Melt chocolate in water and allow to cool.
Cream butter and sugar.
Add egg yolks, one at a time, beating well after each addition.
Add vanilla and chocolate, then mix until smooth.
Sift together flour, baking soda, and salt, then add to butter mixture alternately with buttermilk.
Beat until smooth, then fold in egg whites very gently.
Pour into pans and bake for 30-40 minutes, until a stick inserted in the centre comes out clean.

Filling:

In a saucepan, mix evaporated milk, sugar, yolks, butter, and vanilla.
Cook over medium heat 12 minutes, until thick.
Add coconut and pecans, let cool, then beat until thick and fluffy.
Spread between layers of cake and stack.

 

Frosting:

Cream butter and cream cheese.
Add melted chocolate, salt, powdered sugar, cream, and vanilla.
Beat until thick and fluffy, scraping down sides of bowl frequently.
Frost the cake generously and decorate as needed.

the ingredients:
the cake:

4 oz sweet baking chocolate
½ c boiling water
8 oz butter
2 c sugar
4 eggs, separated
1 tsp vanilla
2 ½ c cake flour, sifted (substitute your own by measuring 5 tablespoons of cornstarch into your measuring cup and then fill the rest with flour)
1 tsp baking soda
½ tsp salt
1 c buttermilk (substitute your own by measuring 1 tablespoon of lemon juice into your measuring cup and filling the rest with milk)

the filling:

1 c evaporated milk
1 c sugar
3 egg yolks
½ c butter
1 tsp vanilla
1 c flaked coconut
1 c pecans, chopped coarsely

the frosting:

2 tbsp butter
4 oz cream cheese
1 ½ oz unsweetened baking chocolate, melted
1 dash salt
1 ½ c powdered sugar, sifted
2 oz cream
½ tsp vanilla

The Battle of the Apple Crisps, or, Apple Crisp, Two Ways

TWO WILL ENTER, ONLY ONE WILL LEAVE!*

When I was growing up, my mom was the queen of crisps. And now that I've made a fair amount of my own, I still don't know how she managed to always make the crumb topping on her crisps so perfect... mine kind of tends to blend together and form a lid rather than a crumbly layer, but I'm getting better at it, as these recipes can attest.

Since there were two recipes for Apple Crisp in the box... and since it's autumn and that means apple weather, I figured there was no better option than to make both the crisps and pair them side-by-side in a fight-to-the-death to determine the best one. So here are two apple crisp recipes for you to choose from next time you want to make one. Both are simple and easy, neither requires any strange ingredients or equipment, and both are delicious. Below are listed the recipes as they came from the box, along with my favourite parts about each of them so you can mix and match to your heart's content. I've named them below according to their (slight) differences, so make one or both and let me know what YOU think!

I prepared each of them exactly according to the directions, and here are the results:

the verdict:
Apple Crisp 1: Super-Sweet, Super-Easy Apple Crisp.

5 spoons out of five. The oatmeal crust was thick and crispy and tasted just like autumn. Bonus points for me? The apples don't get peeled, so it's an insanely quick dessert that I cranked out in less than 20 minutes.

Apple Crisp 2: Extra-Crispy Apple Crisp with Whipped Cream.

4 spoons out of five. The crust was delicious, but with only flour, sugar, and butter, it lacked the dimension that Apple Crisp 1's crust had. However, the recipe had us serving this one with whipped cream, which I made from scratch with a dash of bourbon vanilla, and that almost elevated this one back up to 5 spoons.

A Hypothetical Perfect Apple Crisp:

If I was going to make another apple crisp, I would make the topping from Apple Crisp 1 with the filling from 2, and then I would top the whole thing with a mountain of whipped cream.

*Actually, none will leave, because we are going to eat them all.

The recipe:

Super-Sweet, Super-Easy Apple Crisp

the directions:

Preheat oven to 175C/350F.
Without peeling, cut up apples into a pie dish.
Sprinkle with cinnamon and sugar, then set aside.
In a separate dish, mix together brown sugar, flour, oatmeal and butter until a coarse and
crumbly mixture forms, then pour on top of apples and press down gently.
Bake 30-40 minutes until bubbling at edges and fragrant.

Note: If you have leftover topping, you can bake it in its own dish and sprinkle it over a bowl of oatmeal for a decadent morning treat.

the ingredients:

4 apples
½ c sugar
1 tbsp cinnamon
1 ½ c brown sugar
1 c flour
1 ½ c oatmeal
1 c butter

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The recipe:

Extra-Crispy Apple Crisp with Whipped Cream

the recipe:

Preheat oven to 190C/375F and grease an 8-inch square baking dish.
Mix together apples, 1/3 c sugar, cinnamon, salt, and melted butter.
Pour apple mixture into prepared dish and set aside.
In a separate bowl, combine ¾ c sugar and flour, then cut in butter until crumbly.
Sprinkle over apples mixture.
Bake 35 minutes or until a fork easily pierces through the apples.
While cake is baking whip the cream with vanilla until light and fluffy.
Serve crisp while warm and top with a cloud of whipped cream.

the ingredients:

6 cups apples, peeled and sliced as thinly as possible
1/3 c sugar + ¾ c sugar, divided
1 tsp cinnamon
½ tsp salt
2 tbsp butter, melted + 1/3 c butter, not melted
½ c flour
1 c whipping cream
Dash vanilla

Taffy Apples & Popcorn Balls

I'm a child of the 1980s, which means that every year after trick-or-treating, my parents would rifle through my candy and make sure to discard anything homemade, just in case, you know, there were razors hidden inside it.

Which means that every year, I would see popcorn balls, but never be allowed to taste a popcorn ball. And that is how I made it to my 29th Halloween without ever tasting a popcorn ball. I asked Judson what a popcorn ball tasted like before making this recipe, because he's five years older than me and so when it comes to weird childhood things from the 1980s, he often knows things I don't. 'I can't really remember,' he answered, 'but I think it's just like popcorn with peanut butter in the middle.'

And that was how I learned that popcorn balls in the South and popcorn balls in Florida were completely different in the 1980s. 

Note that this recipe is written on the back of a dry cleaning receipt.

So when I found a recipe for popcorn balls and another one for taffy apples in the box, I was super excited to make them. Halloween has always been my favourite holiday, as long as I can remember, so of course I was stoked to make some Halloween treats for my friends.Unlike the ones I grew up receiving as a treat at Halloween (but never actually tasting), I chose not to dye these popcorn balls, though, because, I mean, eww.

Anyway, you still have time to make these treats to gift to your friends for Halloween, but for the love of God, don't hand them out to trick-or-treaters or you'll raise another generation of people like me whose parents will just throw away their treats. Oh... and in case you're still brainstorming costumes for this weekend, here are a few ideas for you:

Note in case you're not from the Northern US that, although called Taffy Apples, these are an exact replica of what I grew up calling candy apples, and what are called, here in the UK, toffee apples. Nomenclature notwithstanding, these are insanely simple to make, and a perfect accompaniment to your Halloween/All Saints/Bonfire Night festivities. Note also that I couldn't get my mitts on any popsicle sticks, so I had to use bamboo skewers. This is not recommended because they're too flimsy to hold the apple very well, but since I was giving these to adults who will likely be cutting them off the stick to eat anyway, I figured it was fine in this instance.

THE VERDICT:

5 spoons out of five. Come on, they're homemade Halloween treats, what did you expect?

The recipe:

Popcorn Balls

the directions:

Preheat oven to 120C/250F.
Place popped popcorn in a large, greased pan and put in oven.
In a large pot, stir together corn syrup and sugar.
Stirring constantly, bring to a boil over medium heat, then stop stirring.
Cook until temperature reaches 140C/290F, about 10 minutes (until a spoonful of syrup dropped into cold water separates into hard-- not brittle-- threads).
Remove from heat and stir in vanilla.
Slowly pour mixture over popcorn, stirring well.
Allow to cool just enough to handle.
Grease hands well and quickly shape popcorn into balls.

Makes 4 balls.

the ingredients:

2 c freshly popped popcorn, plain
½ c corn syrup or golden syrup
½ c sugar
½ tsp vanilla

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the recipe:

Taffy Apples

the directions:

Grease a cookie sheet very well and set aside.
Wash and dry apples and insert popsicle sticks in the stem end.
Set apples aside.
In a small saucepan, combine sugar, syrup, water, and vinegar and stir well.
Cook over low heat to 300F (hard crack stage on a candy thermometer) or until a spoonful of syrup dropped into cold water separates into hard (not brittle) threads.
Remove from heat and add a few drops of red food colouring.
Dip apples into hot mixture and roll until covered, removing quickly.
Re-dip until taffy covers apples.
Set apples on end on prepared cookie sheet.

Note: If taffy begins to harden in pot, put pan in boiling water or over double boiler and reheat.

THE INGREDIENTS:

3 medium apples
3 popsicle sticks
¾ c sugar
1/6 c corn syrup or golden syrup
1/6 c water
¼ tbsp vinegar
Red food coloring