Holiday Almanac December 7: Mystery Fruitcake

For more information on the Holiday Almanac, go here. Or to see what I've been up to on past Holiday Almanac days, check out this page.

Let’s be real, have you ever actually had a fruitcake? I’m going to assume that if you are my age or younger that you haven’t. You’re probably super familiar with the jokes in every Christmas movie about them, but you’ve probably never actually had one.

Spice cake batter, including cardamom, ginger, cinnamon, nutmeg, vanilla and cloves.

I tried to dress it up, but it somehow just was even sadder.

And consequently, you probably have no idea a) whether you like them or b) how they are supposed to taste.

I don’t either, but I am fairly confident that most fruitcake recipes don’t start with making a cake, then destroying the cake by mashing it up with a batch of white frosting. Regardless, here we are, and although we’ve covered ad nauseum how much I adore frosting, I also hate raisins and I’m pretty meh about candied cherries, so I was not holding out a lot of hopes for this cake.

(Please also note that I cut this recipe in quarters because I was fairly confident that I didn’t want a 6 1/2 –pound fruitcake in my kitchen.)

But you guys, this recipe. This recipe is, quite possibly, the worst recipe that the box has generated so far. I would rather eat Wind Pudding than this cake. I would rather eat French Pudding than this cake. I would rather eat Chicken in Chicken Sauce for dinner every night for the rest of 2015 than eat this cake.

No, just no.

This could have been user error: maybe my proportions were wrong; I pared it down so much from 6 ½ pounds that I was doing a lot of complicated math in my head and quite possibly did some of it wrong. But even if I got the proportions right, I just don't think this was going to be a winner, and boy was I right.

P.S. Adorably, today in the Holiday Almanac reminds the reader to tune in for the '1 ½ hour production, live from New York!' of Philadelphia Story, 'brought to you by Betty Crocker.'

The verdict:

0 spoons out of five. Do not make this fruitcake. The only mystery here is who would actually eat this monstrosity.

The recipe:

Mystery Fruitcake

the directions:

Make yourself a spice cake and some white frosting.
Mix together cake and frosting, crumbling cake as you go.
Add all other ingredients and press firmly into a pan, then throw the pan away and eat something different.

the ingredients:

1 spice cake, recipe of your choosing
1 batch of white frosting, your favourite recipe
1 handful pecan halves
1 handful dried currants (or raisins or sultanas)
1 handful dates
1 handful candied cherries
1 handful candied citrus peel

Holiday Almanac December 6: Chocolate Chiffon Cake

For more information on the Holiday Almanac, go here. Or to see what I've been up to on past Holiday Almanac days, check out this page.

Today's task is meant to be 'bake a chiffon cake' from a cake mix, but since chiffon cake mix is not a thing (at least not in the UK), I figured I'd make one from a recipe in the box. But the only one I could find was for a chocolate chiffon cake, so here we are.

I don't know that I've ever had a chiffon cake before this, and I don't know that I actually know what defines a chiffon cake now... it's just a light cake, I guess? Anyway, if you're going to do the 'slice, butter and toast' method of serving a chiffon cake, then I recommend using a non-chocolate recipe as doing it with chocolate cake was just kind of strange. But the cake itself was great, though kind of boring without frosting.

Basically, if you're into cake but not into frosting, then this is the holiday treat for you. Make this 'to welcome company' as the almanac suggests, or just because it sounds delicious... either way, you'll come out on top. And since you don't have to wait for this one to cool before you frost it, you'll save time along the way!

The verdict:

3 spoons out of five. My favourite part about cake is the frosting, so this just wasn't the cake for me.

The recipe:

Chocolate Chiffon Cake

the directions:

Preheat oven to 176C/350F and line a large loaf pan with paper.
Sift flour, soda, salt, and 1 cup sugar.
Add oil and ½ c buttermilk.
Beat 1 minute.
Add remaining buttermilk, egg yolks, and cooled chocolate.
Beat 1 minute longer.
In a separate bowl, beat egg whites until stiff but not dry.
Gradually beat in remaining ½ c sugar.
Fold into batter, then pour into prepared loaf pan.
Bake 25-30 minutes, then slice, spread the slices with butter, and toast under the broiler for an additional minute or two until crispy on the edges.
Remove from oven and sprinkle with powdered sugar.
Serve immediately.

the ingredients:

1 ¾ c cake flour
¾ tsp baking soda
¾ tsp salt
1 ½ c sugar, divided
1/3 c vegetable oil
1 c buttermilk, divided
2 eggs, separated
2 oz unsweetened chocolate, melted
Butter for serving
Powdered sugar for sprinkling

Holiday Almanac December 5: Duchess Potatoes

For more information on the Holiday Almanac, go here. Or to see what I've been up to on past Holiday Almanac days, check out this page.

Mashed potatoes are my favourite. When I'm sick, I've been known to send Judson to the store for nothing but a bag of potatoes so I can make my own. But since they're obviously not a great source of nutrition, and since I can't be trusted around them, I try not to make them too often... which means they're way more of a treat when I DO make them.

And these ones, mashed to perfection and then heaped into mounds and baked until they're toasty on the outside and smooth on the inside, did not disappoint. I don't know why they're called Duchess Potatoes, but I would definitely serve them if a Duchess came to my flat for dinner.

the verdict:

4 spoons out of five, but only because this recipe puts another step between me and my mashed potatoes.

the recipe: 

Duchess Potatoes

the directions:

Boil potatoes until fork-tender, then drain well.
Preheat oven to 190C/375F.
Mash potatoes until smooth, then add milk, salt, and pepper until texture is to your liking.
Add egg yolks and keep mashing until well-blended.
Heap in large spoonfuls onto a cookie sheet, then pop in the oven for 10-12 minutes until toasted on the outside.

the ingredients:

1 lb potatoes, peeled and chopped coarsely
Milk, salt, and pepper to taste
2 egg yolks