America's Favourite Hot One, or, The BLT Sandwich

'America's favourite hot what?' you may be asking. 'I don't know' is the answer, because this isn't even a hot sandwich.

I suppose it's time for a bit of a confession, dear readers: as a kid, I hated tomatoes, and then I got older and hated mayonnaise, and so the years passed and I made it through almost three whole decades without ever eating a BLT. Well, no more, friends! And now I'm a convert. Except, in this case, BLT actually stands for 'British Lettuce and Tomato,' because, as we've discussed before, American bacon is just not available over here in Scotland. The tomatoes over here are so much better than the ones in the US, though-- sweeter, more flavourful, and cheaper-- so I guess it's an even trade.

Anyway, this is the kind of meal to make on a night where you have fun plans that don't start until late in the evening-- like us, last night. It's simple but filling, and even though there's no way you can consider this a healthy sandwich, at least one of the main ingredients is a vegetable-- so you're not totally off base having it before a night of partying.

Plus, other than 'Tossed Salad, Four Ways,' this is officially my favourite recipe name I've come across so far. And although this is the first time in my life I've garnished a sandwich with an olive, I think from now on I'm going to demand that all my sandwiches come that way. They're at least 13% more delicious than standard sandwiches, so consider it next time you're making your lunch.

If you're in the UK, you can use lardons to make this, like we did, but it might not be the most useful way to make a sandwich since they're so small that they tend to roll out. Alternately, you could buy pancetta in strips and saute it briefly, then use that (which tastes like a thinner, crisper version of American bacon). But most of all, if you're in the UK, don't ever taste American bacon, or you'll never be able to get used to existing in a world without it.

The verdict:

5 spoons out of five. This recipe is amazing, and you should go home and make it for dinner immediately. Don't wait 29 and a half years to have your first BLT.

The recipe:

Bacon, Lettuce, and Tomato Sandwich

The ingredients:

4 slices of bread
Mayonnaise
2 large lettuce leaves
2 slices cheddar cheese
2 medium-size tomatoes, sliced
4 slices of pancetta or American bacon, or a handful of lardons
4 green olives

the directions:

Toast the bread and spread 2 slices with a thin layer of mayonnaise.
Lay one slice of lettuce on each mayonnaise layer.
Layer slices of cheddar on top of lettuce, followed by tomato, bacon, and the other slices of bread.
Garnish with two olives speared on a toothpick.

Yields 2 sandwiches

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Bacon Rounds

We're back home! A little rougher around the edges, a lot happier after a bunch of coconuts, some amazing tacos, and some quality time at the greatest wedding I've been to in ages, and happy to be done with long plane rides for awhile. But we had an amazing time, first at the wedding in California and then in Tulum, Mexico, where we ate a lot of shrimp, swam in the sea in the shadows of Mayan ruins, and generally relaxed after a long and stressful few weeks of work leading up to our holiday.

And since we both stayed up all night on the plane ride home and thus slept for fourteen hours on Saturday night, I really thought I might have escaped the jetlag unscathed... but then the week rolled around, and for the last two nights, I've been awake from 2am until 5:30am, just laying in bed and wishing I could start my day. Then at 7am when my day ACTUALLY starts, I can barely hold my eyes open (I'm yawning as I write this).

Do you know what helps with jetlag? Breakfast. (No, seriously.) Eating real food-- something besides just coffee-- helps reset your body clock and get you back on schedule, so I've been relying on these bacon rolls to do the job for me. They may not be the same thing a Scot thinks of when he thinks of a bacon roll, but they're pretty tasty, and they pair amazingly well with raw salted butter.* (Also, if you promise not to tell anyone, they also taste pretty great with a thin smear of apricot preserves. Try it, no one is going to judge!).

These rolls may not be the classiest breakfast (or the healthiest one), but they make a nice change from the 'lukewarm cup of instant coffee at the office' trend that I find it really easy to fall into, and because they're so easy to grab on your way out the door, you don't even have to wait for a weekend to take advantage of them. Bonus: they keep really well, so you can take one to work every day all week and they'll taste just as warm and fluffy on Friday as they do on Monday. If you can find two 1-pound ovensafe coffee cans, this recipe should technically be made as two small loavess in those cans. Coffee cans that I found are all either cardboard or painted, and either way I couldn't put them in the oven, so I just popped these into a standard muffin tin and got exactly 12 rolls out of the recipe.

Finally, let's just note that the bottom of this recipe pamphlet, which I'm pretty sure was a freebie that came with a bag of flour or a packet of yeast, includes an ad for silverware if you mail in coupons, along with a coupon for 5 cents off a tub of margarine. Ew.

*Bacon rolls are as close as you can get to a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit in the US, but they only include bacon-- no egg, no cheese, and they're served on a roll that has kind of the texture of ciabatta, and they're topped with brown sauce, which is like a sweeter version of A1. I'm pretty indifferent to them because of the lack of cheese, but also because, I mean, if you're going to have a breakfast in Britain, wouldn't you rather have a cream scone? I know I would.

The verdict:

3 out of 5. They're delicious, but I'll always prefer a biscuit or a scone when it comes to breakfast food.

The recipe:

Bacon Rounds

the directions:

Grease 12 muffin cups.
In large bowl, dissolve yeast in hot water.
Add 1 1/3 c flour and all remaining ingredients.
Stir until only pea-sized lumps remain, about 15 seconds or so.
Stir in remaining flour thoroughly, scraping sides of bowl until mixture is almost smooth (as my mom taught me, you want a few lumps to remain or the rolls won't rise).
Batter will be very sticky, so avoid going at it with your hands; instead, use a large spoon to scoop heaping spoonfuls into the greased muffin tin, then smooth out the tops of each portion.
Let rise in warm place (aka anywhere in my apartment this time of year) for 50 minutes.
Batter will rise slightly but not double.
Heat oven to 176C/350F, then bake 20 minutes or until golden brown and firm on top.
Immediately remove from pan and serve warm, if possible.

If saving for later, reheat with a pat of butter and a sprinkle of salt, and a tiny spoonful of jam if you're feeling daring.

the ingredients:

4 ½ tsp yeast
¼ c water, very warm
2 1/3 c flour
2 tbsp sugar
1 tsp salt
¼ tsp soda
1 c sour cream
1 egg
½ c lardons, fried until crisp and then drained on a paper towel

Crunchy Pea Salad

Luncheon, like medication, handbag, and pinochle, has always been a word I associate only with old people. But no longer, because now, for no specific reason, I will always associate the word 'luncheon' with this stuffed tomato salad.

Remember when I told you about how there are only two non-mayonnaise based salad recipes in the box? Well, this is one of the mayonnaise ones. Technically, it's supposed to be made with Miracle Whip, but for several reasons, which I shall enumerate below, I chose instead to make this with mayonnaise. Here are those reasons:

A) I find mayonnaise to be utterly disgusting. So disgusting, in fact, that I can't tell the difference between it and Miracle Whip, because I have never tasted either one by itself (shudder), but they have the same bottle, general colours, and texture, so I've always assumed they were basically the same.
B) I couldn't find Miracle Whip at the grocery store here, and I tried two different shops. This is not to say it doesn't exist in Britain, but I couldn't find it and I knew Judson and I wouldn't be able to tell the difference, so here we are.
C) Did I mention how gross I think mayonnaise is? I'm literally feeling ill just sitting here writing about it.

Anyway, I decided to make this recipe because the tomatoes here in the UK, by Judson's calculations, are 238% better than those in America. Science has not yet determined why this is, since the British climate is hardly suited for tomatoes, but it's true. So when we visited the farmer's market on Saturday (usually a weekly activity, but we've missed the last month) and I spotted these still-on-the-vine bright yellow beauties, I knew it was time for... Crunchy Pea Salad.

This dish just begs to be served on a leaf of iceberg lettuce, with a glass of iced tea, and a dessert of... I don't know, because I was only around for half of the 1980s, but maybe some kind of black forest thing? Basically, if you were ever teleported to a 1980s baby shower, I am pretty confident this would be what you ate while you were there.

Strangely, the peanuts (what I was most worried about) were actually not bad, and the salad was astoundingly crunchy (all except the peas), which was also really surprising. However, I'm not a big fan of beefsteak tomatoes, even if they are yellow, and I really don't like mayonnaise, so I'm gonna have to stick with a fairly low verdict on this. Possibly part of the problem is that we tried to make this a main course when it should have just been a starter, but still, I wouldn't advise you make it unless you like mayo more than I do. If you DO like mayonnaise, though, give this a whirl, because the art of stuffing a tomato is a dying one, and I shouldn't be the only person carrying that torch into the year 2016.

the verdict:

2 spoons out of five. The flavour was great, and it was kind of fun to eat a stuffed tomato, but by the time I was halfway through, I was pretty done with mayonnaise altogether. Judson, ever the good sport and less hateful toward mayonnaise than I, concurs with the two spoon rating. But if you ever find yourself hosting a Ladies' Luncheon from a bygone era, this is truly the recipe for you.

The recipe:

Crunchy Pea Salad

THE DIRECTIONS:

Pour Italian dressing into a medium-sized mixing bowl, then add red onion and stir well.
Add mayo or Miracle Whip and stir well until smooth like yogurt (this will take a few minutes).
Add remaining ingredients and stir gently until well-blended.
Turn tomatoes upside down and slice almost all the way through, in eighths.
Using a small spoon, fill tomatoes with salad and serve.

Yields 8 starter portions or 4 main course portions, if you really like mayonnaise.

the ingredients:

¼ – 1/3 c Miracle Whip or mayonnaise
¼ c Italian dressing
10 oz frozen peas, cooked and chilled
1 c celery, chopped
1 c peanuts
4 oz lardons or bacon, cooked until crisp
¼ c red onion, chopped
Black pepper to taste
8 medium to large-sized tomatoes